Anonymous said: I recently met a man on the internet and we have been chatting for about 2 months. He lives several hours away from me but he has come to visit me twice (stayed in a hotel both times). At our last meeting he asked me if I would like to take the train to visit him and stay at his country house for the weekend. I would like to see him but I do not feel comfortable after only two dates and have decided not to go yet. How do I go about telling him this?
If your instinct is to not visit him just yet I would go with that feeling (instincts rarely steer you wrong). Say something like: “Thank you so much for the invitation and it sounds lovely but I just can’t get away this weekend.” Having said that, if he is crazy about you he will suggest coming to visit you again and you can keep dating at a rate that you are comfortable with! Hope all goes well!
Anonymous said: Can I be friends with an ex?
It’s not the best idea, at least not immediately. One or both of you will surely still have feelings for the other and that WILL get complicated. Also, if he broke up with you he shouldn’t get to be your friend afterward as a consolation prize.
I do understand that people in a relationship will have common interests and a friendship element that is kind of sad to just throw away forever, but in effort to not complicate the friendship or lead each other on it only makes sense if you:
- are both in new relationships AND
- twice the length of time that you were together has since passed. For instance, if you dated for 1 year, two years should pass first. AND
- your current significant other doesn’t have a problem with you being friends with your ex (and yes you should let them know).