If your instinct is to not visit him just yet I would go with that feeling (instincts rarely steer you wrong). Say something like: “Thank you so much for the invitation and it sounds lovely but I just can’t get away this weekend.” Having said that, if he is crazy about you he will suggest coming to visit you again and you can keep dating at a rate that you are comfortable with! Hope all goes well!
It’s not the best idea, at least not immediately. One or both of you will surely still have feelings for the other and that WILL get complicated. Also, if he broke up with you he shouldn’t get to be your friend afterward as a consolation prize.
I do understand that people in a relationship will have common interests and a friendship element that is kind of sad to just throw away forever, but in effort to not complicate the friendship or lead each other on it only makes sense if you:
- are both in new relationships AND
- twice the length of time that you were together has since passed. For instance, if you dated for 1 year, two years should pass first. AND
- your current significant other doesn’t have a problem with you being friends with your ex (and yes you should let them know).
If these three criteria are met, I say go for it!
It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, especially when alcohol is involved. You meet someone at a party, you have a great conversation, there’s chemistry, you flirt, he gets your number, you kiss, you may even spend hours talking in the corner, going to a second location where you canoodle until sunrise then you finally drive home in the morning with bluebirds and butterflies flitting about, and cartoon hearts circling your head.
Sigh. It’s just like in the movies!
Before you know it you are dreaming about what to wear the first time you bring him home to meet your parents, planning the wedding in your mind and naming your kids. This guy is the ONE you can tell.
While all of this is romantic and adorable it’s important to think logically and not get ahead of yourself. Get to know him the way you would anyone else. . over the course of several, mostly sober, dates keeping in mind that you guys just met and reserving the right to decide you don’t like him after all (and realizing that he has the right to do the same).
It’s fine to be romantic and fantasize about what could happen, just realize that a fantasy is just that, and not a guarantee of things to come. While building a castle in the sky can be fun and exciting, it makes more sense to use real building blocks on solid ground.
No, this post is not about
my favorite 90’s R&B group of a different spelling. Rather, I want to address the boys out there who are passively texting girls they like instead of manning up and asking them out. These boys can be upwards of 30 years old. And it is an epidemic.
Boys, if you like a girl, be a MAN. Call her. Ask her out on a date (a real one where you plan in advance where you will go and what you will do and what time you will pick her up). Sending a passive text to gauge weather or not she will respond favorably or hoping she will suggest getting together first so you don’t have to is not man behavior. It is boy behavior. It is scared behavior.
Trust me on this one. Call her up, ask to take her out, have a place in mind (don’t leave her to plan the evening if you are the one initiating the date, follow through). If nothing else you will stand out from the plethora of “boys” out there afraid to make this bold move (which should really be the status quo, but isn’t). She will be intrigued, and impressed.
Confidence is sexy. Vulnerability is endearing.
Go for it. Or someone else will.